Safe Enough to Be Real. Resilient Enough to Be Free. ~ An Origin Story
If you really knew me, you might find this hard to believe — but as a child, I was overwhelmed with insecurity, fear, and in a constant state of hiding myself.
I was the girl who hid behind my mother's pant legs.
The girl who fainted in elementary school when I had to speak in front of the class.
The girl who couldn't make eye contact with anyone I didn't know.
The girl who cried — a lot.
If I was outside of my home, my nervous system was in a constant state of vigilance.
I did not know what it was like to feel safe.
And I got really good at wearing armor. Hiding from people.
And hiding from life.
For years, my nervous system believed the world was something to either avoid or survive; rather than something to be curious about. Even when circumstances seemed normal, my body remained on alert.
And today - I work with groups, facilitate emotionally charged conversations, guide leaders, and support people through some of the most vulnerable, challenging, and uncertain moments of their lives.
And I do all this with greater confidence, clarity, and realness, not because of all the books I’ve read on communication and leadership. Not because of all the coach trainings and “7 steps to confidence” protocols I’ve learned.
I did not "fix" myself.
I learned something that is counter intuitive to just about every human being.
I learned that in a world that is constantly in motion, often unpredictable, and ever changing, the only place I could find steadiness and ground is inside me. I learned that resilience grows not from dominating and controlling life - (that’s not actually possible) — but in coming back, over-and-over, to an inner steadiness — even in the midst of uncertainty, loss, conflict, discomfort, and change.
The turning point wasn't getting rid of fear.
It was when I stopped looking outside myself to confirm safety and discovered that inside the hurricane of fear I was feeling inside — there was a stillpoint. A center.
I stopped trying to outrun fear, numb fear, manage fear, and distract myself from fear. I realized that I could not avoid fear and also not be avoiding life. To avoid fear, I had to disengage with life. Which left me depressed, angry and irritable. Aren’t you glad you did not know me then!
I found that by turning inward, I could begin to distinguish between my nervous system anticipating danger... and actual danger.
Safety began the moment I stopped taking my fear as truth and started relating to it differently.
I began noticing that when fear arose, my nervous system was preparing me for something that hadn't happened yet. My mind would race ahead, imagining every possible outcome, while my body braced for danger.
Then I learned to slow down.
To pause, feel my feet on the ground, and find my center.
To come back to the present moment and ask myself a simple question:
What is true right now?
And I discovered that while I didn't like the circumstances—and I didn't yet know what to do next—I was safe in that moment.
As my nervous system settled, my thinking became clearer. I stopped reacting to imagined futures and began responding to what was actually in front of me.
As my nervous system settled, my confidence showed up. So taking the next step felt doable.
As my nervous system settled, I had a broader perspective and saw more opportunities.
All because I had learned how to return to myself, and find the center in what felt like a s*** storm.
I discovered that safety wasn't something I could run to and nail down. And believe me, I did try!
It was something I could cultivate within.
It came from coming home to myself, again and again, in the present moment.
From returning to an inner steadiness that could stay present with whatever life was asking of me.
I discovered I could stay with fear without becoming it.
And that changed everything.
Because confidence isn't certainty about the future.
Confidence is the capacity to stay present with what is here now.
From that growing sense of safety and confidence, something unexpected began to emerge.
Freedom.
The freedom to take up space.
The freedom to speak honestly.
The freedom to disappoint someone without abandoning myself.
The freedom to love more deeply.
The freedom to stay connected even when emotions were high.
The freedom to lead with authenticity and presence.
The freedom to create a life that was no longer organized around avoiding fear.
The world hadn't become safer.
I had.
Today, this is the work I share with others.
I help people cultivate the inner conditions that make freedom possible.
Safe enough to be real. Resilient enough to be free.
A Practice: Finding the Stillpoint Within the Storm
The next time fear, anxiety, or uncertainty arises, see if you can pause before moving into problem-solving.
Instead of immediately asking: "How do I make this go away?"
Try asking: "What is happening inside me right now?"
What are you afraid might happen?
What story is your mind creating?
Maybe it's losing your job. Losing a relationship. Not having enough money.
Failing or not being enough.
Notice how quickly the mind moves into the future—trying to predict, prepare, and protect you.
Now pause.
Feel your feet on the ground.
Feel the support underneath you.
Slow your breathing down.
Especially the exhale.
And then gently notice:
There is a part of you that is aware of all of this.
A part of you that can notice the fear.
Notice the thoughts.
Notice the sensations in your body.
Without becoming them.
This is the stillpoint.
The center.
The place within you that is steady, even when life feels unsteady.
From this place, ask:
What is true right now?
Not what your mind is predicting. Not the story of what might happen.
Right now.
Can you notice that in this moment, you are here?
Breathing.
Supported.
Present.
The circumstances may still be uncertain.
There may still be challenges to meet.
But perhaps you can also recognize:
You are more than the storm.
There is something within you that is larger than the storm.
And from that place, the next step often becomes clearer.
