The night before my surgery to repair my fractured femur my mind was anything but quiet.
I’m not sure why it surprised me, but the film that was playing in my head was a shitty re-run of the accident that put me there and I could feel my body and mind getting anxious. I needed to stay calm and focus on healing. I knew that if I could stop hitting the replay button on that film I might just find something more interesting to view in the internal theater of my personal mind. And I did.
Up next was a film called “Memory Lane of Transformative Changes”. And it was certainly more intriguing.
I was reminded that there have been many times in my life that I have gone through a transformative change. If I had to put them into 3 categories, they would be:
(1) Unexpected, unplanned, and painful.
(2) Letting go and moving on.
(3) Strong visions and huge transformations.
The common denominator in all these was that life had a plan for me that I really had no control over. Even when I thought I did.
Although I hate to admit this, I know that if I was listening to life a little more closely, I could have seen this one coming. Who knows, maybe I could have even avoided this broken leg. I saw all the signs that the Universe was giving me…
Slow down Julie.
Take better care of your body Julie.
Take better care of your soul Julie.
The Universe was telling me all this. I was ignoring it. I kept thinking that I’ll do all that, no problem! Just not yet. My ego still wanted to run the show, and let me tell you, egos are stubborn!
If I had listened, I could have let go and move on. But I was not sure what I was moving on to, and I did not trust.
Trust is interesting. It’s easy when we are clear of where we are going. But imagine you were conscious in your mother’s womb, swimming in a fluid filled sack. All of a sudden you start growing feet and hands and your like… “WTF??? I need fins and gills, not feet and hands!”
That is pretty much how we are in life. We don’t understand what the Universe is telling us because we often can’t make logical sense out of it. But change does not make a lot of sense until you view your life backwards. Then we can almost always make sense of the path we traveled.
But to move forward you have to let go. You can’t swim to the “Shore of Freedom and Transformation” if you can’t let go of the “Island of Mis-fit Old Identities”! Trust me on this!
And believe me when I say, LISTEN to your soul and the Universe! They won’t put up with your ego bull shit forever.
Could I have prevented my broken leg if I listened? Kind of reminds me of listening to my parents telling me not to run in the street when I was young. Of course I really don’t know.
What I do know is, if I listened, my soul would have been happy. And that would have made my life and relationships more fulfilling because I’d feel more alive and joyful and I’d be sharing more joy with others. I also would not have been efforting so hard (hello ego), and I would have more ease in life. My head would have been quieter so I would have had more clarity and creativity. Which then leads to what inspires me and therefore what is next. Sounds so simple doesn’t it?
The fact is, we make it way too hard.
I know if I let go of the shore, I would have figured out how to swim. In fact, I always do.
The shore will be in sight before you know it!